Drowning in Lavendar

I love my family....

Sat, 26 Dec 2009 03:12:55 GMT

However family gatherings are stressful. Opening presents this morning after mass ran so long we took a break halfway through for food. (people were getting snippy and my niece was being fussy) I took a long post present nap till almost dinnertime and was used as a bed by the cats seeking to escape the grabby clutches of em(niece). Spoke on the phone with my husband who was back in OR with the twitchycat. We still have yet to do dessert but i may hide till then because aspie stress is being amazing for this gathering. It doesnt help that my eldest sis is in mother mode and is reacting to all situations as if the people involved were five or under.... which hits some personal issues pertaining to my family.

The presents were happymaking though. They all showed thought and perception. My parental units gave me a stand mixer.... With a dough hook!

I just hope that i survive the weekend till the train trip back with my sanity intact.

Graugh....Aspergers

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 08:10:50 GMT

I love seeing people... but i hate the overload. especially when i'm not the only one overloaded and the other overloaded person does things which make me more stressed.

Now don't get me wrong it was a wonderful female centric evening with much fun conversations and cake and tea and cookies. but i almost wish i had kicked out the men from the apartment. I actually had expected the hubby to be gone longer than he was because typically he has a game which runs him almost to kitty pilling time. And Roomie B is a wonderful person but he pushes himself back into socializations when he needs to be away and de-stressing. which leads to overload and stresses the entire household because said roomate's aspie sensory issues make the whistling my hubby does a stress point. My husband whistles without thinking, he tries to remember to not do so in certain locations but he actually avoids certain households now because of the upsetness he feels with himself over failing to not whistle and cause friends pain. This stresses him out even more and having to deal with that within the household is becoming a potential fracture point.

Riight. i went on way to long there.

tldr: fun evening but post gathering stress angst.

meme

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 06:01:07 GMT

On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A kireishojo in a pear tree.

The Twelve Days of Christmas
from the Christmas Song Generator.

I bet i'm stealing all the harry and david pears.

A moment of post final sillyness.

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 02:40:40 GMT

So i have completed yet another term of edumacation. slowly i acquire the requisite information for them to certify i have jumped through the hoops they deem necessary to the labeling of me as educated to the bachelors level. Next term is Jap 102 (finishing a requirement) and Sex/Gender in Christianity. Spring term will most likely be two rel classes and a lib practicum where i will be imputing information on musical scores into a database for the music dept at the library. apparently they are backlogged which means 2 cr of upper division credit to work in the library. Helps meet my neccesary credits for grad AND works in my favor in the eventual plea to be let into a LibSci grad program. (I actually will have a clue what i am getting myself into!)

anyhow... on to the sillyness. In the Key of Meme

If I came with a warning label, what would it say?

(and, if you want to play along, you can post this on your own journal. Don't worry i won't feel less of you if you do not.)

Heee

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 23:38:26 GMT

I was Interviewed by a fellow student at the UO who is in the journalism school for her homework. There are some glaring inaccuracies but nothing that i consider worth hassling the student about. especially since it is now finals week.

http://duckquill.wordpress.com/stories/keeping-pace-with-rare-disorders/

P.S. I'll bet people can point out at least 3 inaccuracies.

Notice to local friends

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 06:15:27 GMT

I am going to be out of town 12/20-12/30 and my poor boyo will need distracted. Since he got to see his mum over thanksgiving i get to see my family for christmas. So if people want to try to get him out and not moping i'd appreciate it.

I am so strange...

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 03:05:12 GMT

I'm sitting here laughing about how geeky me and the boyo are. We've just spent the last 15ish mins trying to figure out which colours of shirts are safe for females in star trek (taking into consideration OS and TNG). Basically none. Yar was yellow, the woman killed in the second episode of the origional series was a blue shirt, and the love interest of Kahn in the crew was a Red shirt.

This makes me upset....

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:37:40 GMT

www.kentucky.com/latest_news/story/1011029.html

Gah. Censorship. Look if you arent the child's parent you have no right to remove the hold on their patron account and deny them that book. Heck you have no right as a patron, much less a library worker, to deny other patrons a book which the library has deemed acceptable. The ALA has rules in place for these challenges as do most libraries.

I'll just leave these final thoughts
As Supreme Court Justice William J. Brennan, Jr., in Texas v. Johnson, said most eloquently:

If there is a bedrock principle underlying the First Amendment, it is that the government may not prohibit the expression of an idea simply because society finds the idea itself offensive or disagreeable.

If we are to continue to protect our First Amendment, we would do well to keep in mind these words of Noam Chomsky:

If we don't believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don't believe in it at all.

Or these words of Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas ("The One Un-American Act." Nieman Reports, vol. 7, no. 1, Jan. 1953, p. 20):
Restriction of free thought and free speech is the most dangerous of all subversions. It is the one un-American act that could most easily defeat us.

:(

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:13:35 GMT

I'm kinda sad. I will be husbandless for 9 days. I'm glad for him because he gets to go see his mother but i'm going to miss him horribly.

To all the veterans i know

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:33:50 GMT

thank you.

For Armistice day/Veteran's day

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:39:17 GMT

Dulce Et Decorum Est
by WILFRED OWEN

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime . . .
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
Pro patria mori

thank y'll

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 04:31:29 GMT

i got the paper done. Still trying to catch up on the readings i missed from the issues of earlier in the term. back to the boooks.

help for deciding homework

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 06:41:24 GMT

View Poll: Which ad should i use for the paper on media portrayals?

I have to do a critique of an advertisement for the WGS class i am taking this term. I am torn between these two at this point. I can write on either but i'm having trouble choosing. Help?

Snerk

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 06:18:31 GMT

http://www.smbc-theater.com/?id=175

NSFW retake on the whole who's on first routine

heee

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 03:45:18 GMT

http://weatherpixie.com/displayimg.php?place=KEUG&type=F&trooper=33

poetry

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 23:18:59 GMT

It was an accident
But I chose to let it ride
It was a year before we planned
But we started to adjust
It was non viable
But it was someone I have to grieve
It was a necessary surgery
But it took more out of me than just cells
It was a chain of causality
But it will affect me forever.

so...

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 19:33:46 GMT

if people want to be helpful to me right now... I'm going to be housebound this weekend just for health sake. I would love people to come over and even possibly help clean a little because i'm behind in that and will be unable to do any this weekend. even if you can't clean i'd love to see you. food would also be a goodness as i am the household cook and well..... this whole surgery thing really puts a crimp in that.

news.

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 03:39:39 GMT

I got to see the ObGyn today. he says that he's thinking it's just a miscarriage that just hasnt happened yet. he says def not corneal (ultrasound techs/radiologysts misunderstood the visuals. I just have a small oddity in my uterus which they misread) and unlikely to be even partly molar because there was/is a placenta. What he said it looks like is that the yolk sac decided against continuing at about 6 weeks and the placenta was dumb or never got the news and continued to grow. I'm scheduled for a DnC friday morning to clear it out. I really really thank everyone who has said they were keeping me in their thoughts/prayers/positive energy/universal harmonics... it means a lot that people care.

Because it is helping me cope.

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 20:32:13 GMT

My LiveJournal Sitcom
kireishojo And Me (FOX, 4:30): kireishojo (Jane Fonda) and weyrdbird (Sean Connery) collaborate on writing a romance novel. Also, burntcurtis (Anthony LaPaglia) paints wyliekat (James Best)'s pillow orange. On the other side of town, vedesca (Kristin Scott Thomas) convinces lurkitty (Jim Breuer) to buy a ice cream cone. Upstairs, elfie_chan (Laura Dern) buys toilets instead of hairbrushs, ruining carwoman (Kate Beckinsale)'s day. Afterwards, ladybanchee (Josh Hartnett) and dmmaus (Geoffrey Rush) write a children's book. (Season finale.)
What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern)

My LiveJournal Sitcom

kireishojo And Me (FOX, 4:30): kireishojo (Jane Fonda) and weyrdbird (Sean Connery) collaborate on writing a romance novel. Also, burntcurtis (Anthony LaPaglia) paints wyliekat (James Best)'s pillow orange. On the other side of town, vedesca (Kristin Scott Thomas) convinces lurkitty (Jim Breuer) to buy a ice cream cone. Upstairs, elfie_chan (Laura Dern) buys toilets instead of hairbrushs, ruining carwoman (Kate Beckinsale)'s day. Afterwards, ladybanchee (Josh Hartnett) and dmmaus (Geoffrey Rush) write a children's book. (Season finale.)

What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern)

If my life were a sitcom it would be strange.

something to take my mind off life

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 20:25:37 GMT

All my friends are mean!

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
kireishojo goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Space Pirate amazon ninja catgirl.
admnaismith tricks you! You get a broken balloon.
biomekanic tricks you! You get a scratched CD.
carwoman tricks you! You get a block of wood.
crystallinegirl gives you 3 milky white orange-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
damienps gives you 6 light yellow licorice-flavoured nuggets.
elfie_chan tricks you! You lose 7 pieces of candy!
gatorbaitkitteh tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
kajafoglio tricks you! You get an eraser.
karjack tricks you! You get a scratched CD.
madrona gives you 17 dark green blueberry-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
kireishojo ends up with 18 pieces of candy, a broken balloon, a scratched CD, a block of wood, an eraser, and a scratched CD.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

This friday was the negative mirror of the last

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 04:53:23 GMT

in terms of happy and sad.

first off i am no longer with child.
If it once was a baby it no longer is. What is more worrying is the fact that there is a small clump of cells they spotted where the falopian tubes meet the uterus. It could be remnants of the miscarrige which would be the best posibility. Or it could be a corneal pregnancy which is non-viable (no heartbeat) which would need to be removed with a DnC. Or worst possibility it is a molar pregnancy which requires DnC and bloodwork periodically for the next year because it throws off hormones that can trigger cancers.

I'll be going in to see a ObGyn as early as monday because they need to figure this out for the proper steps. I know i'm going to miscarry or have it DnC but i'm in limbo for now. also if i miscarry over the weekend i get to visit the ER because if it is option B or C it needs to be treated differently in terms of care.

I wish this were a bad dream but it isnt.

second off.... well i dont have a second other than that i'm numb. it doesnt seem real yet because i've still got that thing which was a potentiality within me. i'm stuck in this place of limbo where i'm walking a tightrope over a pit and i can't see the net anymore.

I had a fun busy tiring friday.

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 18:00:19 GMT

Had to trade with a coworker for the morning shift because i had plans to be at a book signing in portland at powells at 7:30. which meant to get seats i had to be there at 6:30. which ment i had to be out the door and on the road with our roomie by 4:30 at the latest. which ment i couldnt work my friday shift of 1-5pm.

The signing in question was for the cake wrecks book. I also participated in the little contest they had which was to bring a miniturized cake wreck. On a cupcake. I did the baby carrot jockeys, not mowhawk babies because i couldnt find those figures. I also took lots of pictures which i will be posting a good chunk of under a lj-cut for the sake of my friends list. It was fun and nice to go to but tiring because of the long trip. I'm sorry that i didnt call my portland local friends but i really didnt have the time or spare energy to elongate the trip any further.

So pictures
First off there is my entry to the competition.
So This is a wrecky example of a Wreck. Would have been better but i had to assemple it at the powells because driving the 100-200 miles to get it there with the babies on the carrots would have been way too much fun. Then there is the fact of the local michaels being out of the babies and having to stop at the tualatin one to get a batch. (i called ahead and both made sure they had them and made sure they set some aside for me.
This one is the one which won the contest. It is rather well done and is indeed a professional's work. I asked her. The diamond is an edible diamond replica which she had spare of from having to do a wedding cake which was supposed to have diamond brooches.
This was an adorably wrecky recreation of a sunday sweet. It was the James bond/spy wedding cake redone as a tower of cupcakes.
Some of them were even recreated in the dreaded CCC form. This like mine was not a winner.
I got a picture of me, Jen, and the carrot baby jockeys. I didnt want to hassle with taking the cupcakes home so i gave them to people waiting with me in the siggy line. BTW they were carrot-cupcakes with creamchese frosting (the white part of the frosting)
I also got a picture with her and her SO/Husband at the signing table. The cake he is holding is the vegan cake that was available for people after the book talk and during the signings. They had some mini-cupackes with proper mowhawk baby carrot jockeys but by the time i got my book signed and got down to the cake they were all gone. Makes me sad i didnt get a picture of them.
This was one of the professional cakes which was on the serving table. Each side had an amusing cakey reference but i love this one. Iw ould have been amazing to go to a book singing.

So that was what ate my friday from about 4pm ish on. It was loads of fun but quite tiring.

Every once and a while

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 18:07:15 GMT

You meet someone who exemplifies kindness. I have met so few of those people online. One that i have met who i would consider a friend is going through a tough time of Lot sized proportions. I have no spare money to give but i can give the option of letting more people know by mentioning it here. I know my friends are mostly as poor as I but when the chips are down every cent counts.

http://helpthehamiltons.wordpress.com/

please at least look. Bread cast upon the waters.....

grump

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 05:36:30 GMT

I love my husband but there are times i want to hang him by his heels.

I'm sure there are times when he feels the same way about me.

it's a good thing we love each other.

Invisibile disability

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 04:53:07 GMT

1. The disability I live with are:
Asperger's syndrome

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:
2003

3. But I had symptoms since:
birth

4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make is:
learning my limits. Learning when i just can no longer cope with the stimulus.

5. Most people assume:
That i'm a geek or maladjusted. sometimes they think i'm shy or anxious.

6. The hardest part about mornings is:
that they exist. i'm a swing shifter by nature.

7. My favorite medical TV show is:
i don't really watch many medical shows. bout the only one i can think i have watched regularly was scrubs.

8. A gadget I couldn't live without is:
books.

9. The hardest part about nights is:
nights are easy

10. Each day I take [?] pills & vitamins.
1-3 sometimes the sensory overload leads to migraines...

11. Regarding alternative treatments, I:
am willing to try almost anything once. although the friend who tried to get me to eat a whole bunch of cilantro to chelate found out that i do have limits on this.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible disability and a visible one, I would choose:
I'm very lucky that the disability I have probably won't kill me in most places in the world. sometimes it would be nice to not have my issues shrugged off as less important because of the level of correction i have scieved though.

13. Regarding working and career:
I cannot do a front desk job. as much as i like to be helpful trying to do so while also trying to not give the wrong social clues wears me out so much faster. I would love a behind the scene help job. or even the style of job i do now where i only really have to be sociable with my co-workers.

14. People would be surprised to know:
I feel hurt every time i fail to correctly gauge and respond in social situations. I worry that every time i fail in this it drives my friends and those i care for further away from me. I feat that my eccentricity will one day fall just outside of acceptable and i will be hauled away for being 'other'

15. The hardest thing to accept about my reality is:
90% of the people i meet never notice there is anything wrong with me. I see all my failings and imperfections in stark relief and i'm always surprised when others do not.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my disability was:
I try to not let it limit me.

17. The commercials about my disability.
I once saw a commercial about autism but not my end of the spectrum.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed:
being able to pretend it was only eccentricity and that i would eventually be able to work past it.

19. It was really hard to give up:
my hopes of normality.

20. A new hobby I've taken up since my diagnosis is:
i can't think of any.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again, I would:
Normality is impossible to qualtify.

22. My disability has taught me:
That my otherness is not my imagination, nor my fault.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say (about my disability) that gets under my skin is:
That because i am married and have held a long term relationship that i must not actally be aspie.

24. But I love it when people:
are willing to adjust to my sensorarily screwy days.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:
In the end this too will pass.

26. When someone is diagnosed I like to tell them:
well i havent met any newly diagnosed aspies to pass words of wisdom on to.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with a disabilty is:
How little life changed for me. but at the same time how much it changed.